The Dark Side of Living in the Light

dark n light

The Dark Side of Living in the Light

Catchy title, right?  Not wishing to be dramatic here.  Just telling it like it is.

For some people, living in “the light” means being of a higher vibration and seeing that vibration in all of existence.  That is beautiful, amazing and wonderful.  It is possible to find your Zen and look at life from the higher perspective and realize that no matter what happens in the lifetime, you are a soul with a continuous stream of existence.

For other people, they find their spirituality within the light by adapting belief systems and practices that allow them to feel closer to their higher power.  This too, is an incredible way of life.

And still others take on roles as light workers, healers, ministers and such to help people open up to their light, to empower them to embrace their spirit and their strength.  Many of these Spiritual teachers and leaders teach that we are of a vibration now where darkness no longer exists, while others will pound the reality of evil into the forefront of their teachings to elicit fear.

So where is reality in all this?

I believe we create our own reality through our perspective.  If you believe that we are living in a higher dimension right now where no dark energies can be present, then that is your reality.  If you believe you have to adhere to certain rules and rituals because the devil waits for you around each corner, then that is your truth.

I never really believed in curses or spells.  Sure, I liked to play witch when I was a little girl and was known to play with candles when I wasn’t supposed to.  I was drawn to ancient Egyptian texts at a young age and marveled at their rites and incantations used in ceremony.  I thought it magical.  I respected their devotion to their faith.  But that, honestly, was about it.

Then began my studies in Native American Shamanism.  I was part of ceremonial practices and could feel Spirit and energy all around me.  It wasn’t a spell.  I wasn’t directing negativity to anyone.  It was beautiful, engaging, entrancing and LIGHT!  The connection made my heart sing.

As I dug deeper into my spiritual learning, I still held a disregard for curses, believing that only those in a state of fear and adhering to a particular belief system could be affected by such things.  I gave this practice no power whatsoever.  Even when my teachers would explain about psychic warfare and how to combat it, I would go to my happy place in my mind.  Those things had nothing to do with me.  They were for other people, not as “light” as me of course, to deal with in their reality.

And then I got my first attachment.  It hit me hard.  I was depleted, mentally, physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I couldn’t concentrate, didn’t want to move and definitely felt like leaving this life would be the best choice I could make.  Thankfully, I turned to a trusted teacher and Shaman for help.  I thought it was something purely physical or perhaps I pulled something in from a client.

As I spoke to my Elder, he connected with my energy.  I could see him going into trance and taking inventory of my field.  Within moments he told me each physical symptom I was having, the negative thoughts I’d been experiencing as well as visions of a man I’d been working with.  He went on further to explain to me that this man had placed a negative entity into my energy field to weaken me and cause me harm.

I was dumbfounded.  Why would anyone want to do that?  I was very Pollyannaish about being of the light.  I thought as long as I did my light work I got a free pass on negativity.

Ummmm….NO!  Even as I write that statement I cringe.  And I laugh.

My wonderful teacher explained to me the importance of boundaries – physical, emotional and energetic.  He also enforced and reiterated the tools I had been taught but not practicing myself in regards to clearing and dealing with negative energies directed to cause and inflict harm.

My mind and heart went into fear.  Was I so weak that I allowed this person to harm me?  What would happen next time?  Why didn’t my guides let me know?  How can I be intuitive and not know this?

I saw the eyes of my teacher begin to sparkle and a smile paint across his compassionate face.  “What did you learn?”  He asked.  “What gifts were you given?  And Honey, if you expect your guides to give you ALL the answers you are barking up the wrong tree.  If they gave you all the answers why would you be here?  You would stay on the other side.”

I sat with that.  Long and hard I sat with that.  I began to realize that life is a learning curve.  Each experience gifts us an opportunity to discover something new.

Doing this work for going on 20 years now, I’ve witnessed and experienced more than my share of light and dark.  I believe we can’t have one without the other – not on this Earth plane.  We come here to experience both and to learn from each.  And then we have a choice.  Which will we allow to be the driving force in our life, good or evil?

Yes, there are curses, spells, negative entities, demons, dark dimensional beings, psychic attacks and other creepy crawlies in existence.  But that doesn’t mean we have to bury our heads in the sand or hide under the covers.  Knowledge, as they say, is power.  There are tools to deter each of these scenarios and just because something is out there doesn’t mean you will experience it.

Every bad thing that happens in your life isn’t because of a curse or some sorcerer conjuring black magic.  Take responsibility for your life, meaning – your BODY, your MIND and your ENERGY. When all are in good working order with proper boundaries in place, no darkness can come through.

The Art of Being Spiritual ~ No Handbook Necessary!

Don’t you wish life came with a handbook?  Wouldn’t that be so cool?  The first time you got your heart broken you could look it up in the handbook, turn to page 3267, and read all about what you should be feeling, how you should act, and how to make that speedy recovery. I have often dreamed of having such a Godsend…no more wondering, making mistakes, and if you were supposed to suffer, then you would know you were on the right path for that as well.  A road map for your life’s path.

But then, really, what fun would that be, having all the answers?

See, God created this thing called, “FREE WILL.”  Maybe you’ve heard about it?

YOU get to DECIDE for YOURSELF!  Really, its true!  Except for my kids, at least till they’re out of my house (haha).

WE have all been given this gift of free will, meaning we create our boundaries and decide how we act and how we react.  If we are presented with a challenge, we get to decide how we will handle it.  And because everyone reacts differently, based on their own lessons and perspectives, we have many opportunities to grow and learn.  Sometimes it may feel like you’ve learned enough though, doesn’t it? Like its time for a break, and only smooth sailing.  But if it were that easy, the soul growth would stop, and you really wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?

I witness it day in and day out.  People are hit with the most horrible situations, and then something else stressful happens.  As if the first issue wasn’t enough!  And just when you think there is no light at the end of the tunnel, something shifts.  You realize your strength.  You learn to ask for help.  You overcome a fear.  Just by making that one shift, it opens up a whole new, beautiful wave of positive energy.  I cannot begin to explain all the miracles I have been blessed and honored to witness through working with clients and through my own personal life as well.

The saying, “God never gives you more than you can handle” is quite true.  Even when you think you will break and the sky will fall, things can always change.  When you are sinking deeper into depression it is hard to see this, but remember, just by entertaining the idea that things can get better creates an opening for that very situation to occur.

Several years ago, I was working as a computer technician and trainer.  I was on my computer 40+ hours a week, and unfortunately not set up in a proper ergonomic fashion so pressure and stress would not be placed on my body.  I developed major nerve damage in my neck, arm and shoulder and was written out of work by my doctor.  So here I was, in massive amounts of pain, out of work, collecting 45% of my regular salary, having to go to doctors for treatment 3-5 times a week.  There were times when I would have  20-40 prolo injections into my spine, neck and shoulder and would be bedridden for days.  Just when thought life couldn’t get worse, I found out I was pregnant.  I had been told after my second child that I would not be able to get pregnant again.  Because of the pregnancy, I could not take certain meds or treatment.  Then my husband lost his job.  Then I needed surgery, which I did while awake, and was told I would never lift anything over 5 pounds.  I was told not to hold my baby when it was born and warned there was a possibility of dropping him because of the weakness in my arm, hand and wrist.  Soon after that, during a routine ultrasound, my ob-gyn found a problem with the baby.  His kidneys were not developing properly and there was a strong possibility he would need surgery right after his birth.

Can you say, S-T-R-E-S-S ?????

Amid worrying to the point it made me physically ill, I also began to go into premature labor at about six months.  All I could think about was, “Why me?  Why my baby?  Why my body?  What did I do wrong?  Why wasn’t I good enough to just have a normal life?”   While relaying my feelings to a dear friend and mentor, she asked me, “Have you been able to find the gift in all this?”

I have to say, that it was a good thing we were talking over the phone.  Hormones, pregnancy and frustration do not bring out the best in me.

Gift?  Was she serious?  I was on bed rest, not able to take care of my kids or myself and stressing over everything!  What kind of gift was I going to find in all of that?  Her words stuck with me for days after our conversation.  I had plenty of free time to think, so I mulled over every possibility I could imagine.

I began to make a list of things I was grateful for.  At first, the list was quite short.  As the days and weeks went by, the list grew.  I had to start small though, with the basics.  I first listed things like: house for shelter, food to eat, medical care.  Later on, words that flew across the page included: family that loved me, friends that supported me, the spirit of a dear friend who had crossed over.  I soon discovered that if I really looked, I found many blessings in my life.  As I focused my energies in that direction, a shift of focus took place.  I began to become grounded and decided that I would not accept the doctors diagnosis about my son’s kidneys.  Instead of worrying about his health, I gave him Reiki treatments several times a day.

Giving Reiki to Adam was like lighting a pipe for a crack addict.  He could not get enough of it!  And although tests a few days before he was born still showed kidney problems, at two weeks old he was given a clean bill of  health without the need for any treatment, well, except for more cuddles from his mommy.  Yes, I was even able to lift all 9 pounds and 11 ounces of him.

If I’d had a handbook to consult when all these issues presented, I bet I would not have learned what I did from the experience.  I may not have been able to really see the gift in all this at the time, but it is so clear to me now.

If I hadn’t hurt myself at work, I wouldn’t have been staying home.

If I hadn’t have been off work, I wouldn’t have had time to go on a cruise.

If I hadn’t gone on the cruise, I wouldn’t have been relaxed and became pregnant.

If I hadn’t became pregnant, there would be no Adam in my life.

I cannot imagine my life without that little guy.  In many ways, Adam healed me, because he helped me to see outside myself.  My life took a complete different direction because of him.

The only handbook for this life, is what we write upon its pages.  That is the true art of being spiritual; creating ourselves, our experiences in each moment with each breath.

I am reminded of a Lakota Prayer:

Lakota Prayer

Wakan Tanka, Great Mystery,
teach me how to trust
my heart,
my mind,
my intuition,
my inner knowing,
the senses of my body,
the blessings of my spirit.
Teach me to trust these things
so that I may enter my Sacred Space
and love beyond my fear,
and thus Walk in Balance
with the passing of each glorious Sun.

According to the Native People, the Sacred Space
is the space between exhalation and inhalation.
To Walk in Balance is to have Heaven (spirituality)
and Earth (physicality) in Harmony.

Remember, if the Creator put it there, it is in the right place.  The soul would have no rainbow if the eyes had no tears.

May you see the many gifts in your life.

Love & Laughter,


My Intuitive Life??? You Got that one Right!

January 24, 2012


Its true.  I have an intuitive life.  For now that’s the best way to describe it, at least without adding any colorful adjectives or profanities. LOL!

I’ve created this blog to share my experiences with the rest of the world.  Perhaps you will learn something you did not previously know about those who have passed, spirit guides, angels, the paranormal, or the daily happenings of a mom who happens to see dead people and communicate with angels and the spirit world.  If nothing else, my intention is to spread some light your way and give you a giggle or two.

Seeing into other realms isn’t always what its cracked up to be.  Sure there are wonderful aspects of these abilities……I LOVE to help people, assist those who need to cross over, and banish a demonic entity or two.  However, when you are grocery shopping and someone’s dead Grandpa starts talking to you in the frozen foods aisle, it can be a bit distracting.

One of my greatest life lessons is establishing and defining boundaries.  Let me make that more specific….MY BOUNDARIES.  And, since I am a born OVER ACHIEVER, I somehow decided, with all my wisdom, that I need to have MY BOUNDARIES pushed not only by the so called “living” but also by those who no longer reside in physical form.  Yay, ME!  Yeah, uh, don’t break out the streamers and balloons just yet.  It’s not exactly the party you would think it would be.  Nothing says hurry up and dig your heels in and own your power like being faced with angry entities that try to knock you unconscious and growl with the savage voice no Hollywood film maker could replicate.

And I thought raising teenagers was rough!

I didn’t fully accept the tools God has given me until later in my life.  I began seeing spirits at the age of three.  The first time I remember having sight, was while I was laying in bed, in the middle of the night.  I saw three seperate spirit forms at the bottom of my bed.  They all seemed to know eachother, and were talking amongst themselves about me…what I could or could not see, hear and feel.  To say the least it scared the crap out of me, well literally another bodily function (and my parents wondered why I wet the bed till I was 5 years old!)

I remember very vividly the fear and sheer terror that swept over me in those moments.  I could not scream.  I could not get out of my bed.  All I could do was hug my stuffed puppy a little tighter and pull the sheets up over my head.  Eventually, the sun came up, and I was able to retreat to the safety of my parents, who assured me it was all a bad dream.  To no fault of their own, how could they realize that their small child was actually seeing spirits?  It isn’t something discussed at the water cooler at work or your local PTA meeting.  If you were to even hint at the fact your child had sight, the child would be subjected to psychiatric therapy or religious exorcism.  Punish the child for being truthful.  Not such a great lesson to enforce.

I have a calling now to help children with sight.  I love to show them the joy of communication with the other side, and how to set their own boundaries as to what they allow to come through and what they do not allow to come through.  To empower a child to use their full sensory power is a miraculous blessing all in itself.  I witness this on a daily basis with my son, Adam.  He is a bright light who has changed my life and taught me the art and joy of playfulness.  More about Mr. Adam later….

I could babble on and on about what certifications I have, classes and seminars I’ve taken, books I’ve read, etc. etc.  While all those things are a part of me, I hope you will get to know me through the energy of my words, my sense of humor and most of all my heart.  As you connect with my experiences, you will understand what I mean.

I cannot explain to you in words the pure bliss of channeling angels.  I long to find a phrase that equals the energy shining in another’s eyes as they welcome their loved ones on their journey home.  I wish to find a description of my feelings when Arch Angel Michael and my guides join in song during rides in my car – YES, it happens, and I am so grateful it does!  I enjoy the company and the humor (and hey, their dance moves aren’t too bad either!)

No, I am not crazy and we are not schizophrenic any more! HA, HA, HA!  Actually, I have been tested, and my Huna-Healer, Psychic Therapist has determined I am sane, no matter how hard I try to prove him otherwise!

Life is all about perception, and I am offering you mine.  Like it or leave it.  Take what resonates and leave behind the rest for someone else.

This feels like a good introduction to me.  Have a wonderful night!  I will write more soon.

Love & Laughter,