An Unforgettable Mother’s Day Experience
Each year, when Mother’s Day comes around, I am reminded of this experience I had several years ago. I wrote this article for a magazine and share it with you now in honor of all the Moms out there who care so deeply for their children.
A Mother’s Love Never Ends
My Mother’s Day experience a few years ago was one of those “ah-hah” moments that God so wonderfully puts in our path to teach us life lessons of love and wisdom. Every year when Mother’s Day comes around, I am reminded of this event that so deeply impacted my life.
My husband was scheduled for an 11 hr shift at work putting him out of the house from 10am until 9pm. This did not leave much time for us to celebrate Mother’s Day as a family, meaning more specifically him keeping our three kids in line while I was able to relax. I was disappointed, but completely understood and was concentrating on the fact that my wonderful husband took an entire week off work the previous week so that I could attend a seminar. I continued throughout the day to try to push that “being a girl” side of me away – you know the one – that overly sensitive, emotional side – well, that did not work! Trying to push that away only attracted those feelings to me more (Oh – don’t we all LOVE the LAW OF ATTRACTION!). It was like trying to keep the bar of Dove Chocolate away from the PMS victim – it was NOT going to happen. So I spent a good deal of my day being angry, feeling sorry for myself and listening to the kids fight, which I am sure was more than triggered by me being depressed. I was not in one of those “love and light” type of moods, if you get my meaning.
My husband called to see if we would meet him for an early dinner at an Italian place near his work. We went and the restaurant was closed! Mother’s Day dinner was taco shop for me, but at least I did not have to cook! On the way home from dinner, we passed by the site of a horrific car accident that happened a few miles away from our home a week earlier. The area where the accident had happened had been turned into a memorial with candles, balloons, and flowers. As I passed, I saw him again just as I had seen him in the few days previous to this one. There stood a little boy, looking lost and confused, just staring at the memorial. I knew he was lost. It did not register to him the extent of what happened and his soul had gone into shock, not able to cross over with the others. Being a medium, I see spirits and feel them, but do not always go out of my way to help them cross. At times, this is their lesson to remain earth bound, so it just depends on the energy. Some have unfinished business, others are stuck. As this is a planet of free will, I do not take it upon myself to help any spirit I might see cross over. This boy, however, tugged at my heart. As I passed by, I promised myself I would come back that evening, after things had calmed down with my kids and see if I could help him.
I returned later that night to still find him there, standing near the balloons and flowers. I pulled off the road and onto the dirt lot where the memorial was placed. One single candle was still burning. It was surreal. I had found his name through some research, as well as the name of his mother who had passed in the car crash. He stood there listlessly staring at the street where the drunk driver had hit his family’s car. Flashes of the accident went through my mind – the moments before impact when the children were laughing, when the mother and her sister were discussing their plans. I saw the force of the collision and the SUV spin out of control, flip and burst into flames. I heard the screams of everyone inside the car. I knew as I saw these visions, that this poor child was seeing the same scene, played over and over.
Tears came to my eyes as I called in my guides and the Arch Angels Michael, Gabriel and Jophiel to assist me. I asked Gabriel to make a vortex of light so that the boy could see it and pass through onto the other side. As I spoke to the boy, he was unsure of what was happening as he moved toward me and walked in my direction. I explained that his mother was waiting for him in heaven and that all was fine. He saw the light and stepped towards it but was still hesitant. I began to speak the words “I love you” in his language as his Mother reached out her hand to accept him into this tunnel of pure and divine love. They embraced and looked over at me one last time as if to say thank you and then the tunnel closed. I knew he had crossed and that his soul was at peace. It was a beautiful and loving experience for me. So many lessons I learned that Mother’s Day.
I have learned that the most loving gift and lesson I can ever have is to help another. I have learned that when I get so wrapped up in my own “stuff” the best way to get out of it if to assist someone else. The most precious thing I think any of us here on this planet can do is to serve others through love and compassion. That can be through a smile, a touch, loving energy, watering a plant, patting a pet on the head or simply speaking the words, “I Love You”. Know that we ALL make a difference here. We all have the ability to express ourselves through love and light.
This has taught me to be so grateful for what I do have in my life, and not concentrate on what is “missing”. Please, give your children an extra hug today and know how blessed we all are for having them in our lives.
On a side note, a year or so later, I was at a dear friend’s home, who happens to be a healer. I had a session with her in which she took several photos during the healing. As we sat at her table while she uploaded the images, my eyes fixated on a photo laying in front of me. I recognized the person in the image immediately. The person in the photo was the boy’s mother. She was in the photo, hovering above a man laying down on the healing bed. It looked as if she was comforting him. When I asked my friend about the picture she explained that this man’s family had been killed in a drunk driver car accident. He had come to see her before he left the country to hopefully release the guilt and grief he’d been feeling. I know with all my heart that I was meant to see this picture. It was one more confirmation and a feeling of gratitude ran through me.
God gives us no coincidences. It is up to us to see things as they are and revel in the miracles that surround us.
Happy Mother’s Day to all.
Love & Laughter,
Releasing the Demons of My Past
Many people don’t understand what happens to a child when they are sexually abused. I can only speak from my personal experience, but I know from working with others who have been through this type of horrid happening, that they are misjudged. People who have not stood in the shoes of a victim should not even attempt to calculate what they “would” do, because until you are put in a certain situation, you really just don’t know.
Many children will bury their hurt and their pain. They will stuff it and pretend that it doesn’t exist. My abuse began when I was three years old and even as the first act happened, it was my saving grace to splinter off and go somewhere else. I can recall witnessing each encounter with my attacker from a third person stance where I was floating above the situation, removed from it. I believe this was my first experience with the Angels and that they were assisting in this out of body type viewpoint to save me. I know with all my heart had I not stuffed and locked away the five years of abuse I would not be alive today. Leaving my body helped me deal with the pain. Hiding the memory helped me deal with life.
As we all know, things don’t remain hidden forever. The “secret” manifested in my body as a physical ailment and my ovarian system was a complicated wreck! I suffered from ovarian issues beginning at age 13 and on into my mid 30’s. In my mid 30’s during the eruption of an ovarian cyst, the memories I had hidden for so long began to come to the surface. It was as if the body could not longer contain the pain and the secret. Much like a volcano builds up pressure, I erupted.
It’s been a long road from that moment to now. I find it interesting that once the memories came forward that the health issues stopped. Physical problems that had plagued me the majority of my life simply vanished. I wish the emotional healing were that simple. I was thrust under the microscope of those close to me, “Why didn’t you say something earlier? Why are you telling this now? Why can’t you just get over it? Are you making this up?”
My saddened response was, “What purpose would I have in creating a falsity like this?” It hurt my soul to know that by many I wasn’t believed, even though this attacker had raped another relative (no, she didn’t come forward either) as well as he had made passes and advances on other family members, all of which I found out about later.
I found myself trapped between two worlds for a while – the childlike me and the adult me. It was as if I had to relive and bring those memories back into my mind in order to heal them. I went through various stages of PTSD as memories of the abuse would come to the surface and I could not control it. I would be shopping at the market and suddenly the panic attack would come over me. I could smell him, I could feel him. It was as if I was that little girl, sprawled out on the bathroom floor all over again. Life and my emotions became a huge balancing act.
Fast forward to today. I still can be triggered, and actually that’s been going on the last few months. When I feel as if I am under attack, emotionally or otherwise, those last bits of memories I have not healed and released come forward. It was during one such recent moment when it came into my awareness that though my abuser was dead, his soul had not crossed. He was an earthbound spirit, suffering and wandering the earth plane in misery. I will admit, this information gave me some satisfaction that karma reigns supreme. What we do to others does come back to us in one form or another. I was pleased he was hurting. I celebrated that he was finally getting his just rewards for the pain he had caused. The little girl in me wanted to do the happy dance, knowing that payback was in place.
Weeks passed. The triggers subsided. Yet still the thoughts of my abuser remained in the back of my mind. I knew, from the work that I do, that I could help him cross over. It was a no-brainer. I’ve dealt with earthbound spirits before and assisted in their crossing to the other side. But did I want to do this? Did I want to end his suffering? Didn’t he deserve to be in misery?
And herein lies the duality of existence – living the human life as a soul. For with all the tools and learning I have, my human mind and human heart are still very much intact. As a soul, I had to address this with myself. Could I act beyond my own hurt and pain? Could I rise above it and help the very person who had impacted my life on such a large degree?
I sat in deep meditation this morning with my guides around me. It was time. It was time to let go. It was time to move to a deeper state of light and holding on to this pain was no longer serving me. I shifted into healer mode, and as I did so I could feel Arch Angel Jophiel and Arch Angel Michael beside me and gathered with them were the Arch Angels Raphael and Gabriel. I could sense my uncle and his pain as Arch Angel Gabriel brought down the tunnel of light. Raphael and Gabriel took him by his hands to guide him through, but he resisted. He said that it was a trap. He was not going to the pits of hell. He knew what was waiting for him.
I walked towards him and placed my hand on his heart. I focused on sending as much light as possible into his spirit. As I did so, I began to clear his energy, calling to release any vibration or lower forms that were holding him here and preventing his crossing. As the clearing progressed, I saw an entity leave his energy field. I recognized the eyes of this entity, for I had seen it each time my uncle molested me. With a flash, the energies were drawn into the light and suddenly my uncle was cleared. He was lighter and brighter and his entire structure and mannerisms changed. He stumbled forward, to the tunnel of light, turning to look back at me.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Please forgive me.” And in that very moment, I did. I let it go. I forgave him. I released the past pains as I watched him enter a space of higher vibration and unconditional love he hadn’t experienced in quite some time.
And here I am, experiencing a higher vibration and unconditional love as well, just on another level. I am here in the duality of life, realizing that being human is a juggling act. Sometimes it’s best to act and react as the stumbling human that I am, and other times it takes embracing my soul to truly understand what this life is really all about – LOVE.
Does Time Really Heal All Wounds ?
This coming Sunday will mark the one year anniversary of the passing of my father, Dale Wolfe, Sr. As the approach of this day has loomed seemingly over my head since the start of this month, it has brought much reflection to my life. Once the calendar flipped over to the month of June, I set a conscious intention to make July as busy as possible so that I would be distracted and would not have time to feel the sadness that still knocks me to my knees at times. There is a hole in my heart that no one else can fill. And even though I know Dad’s spirit is around me, and seen quite often by my son, it is not the same. That human being that I am is still a very sense oriented person. I want to hold Dad’s hand again. I want to feel his strong arms around me. I want to see those hazel eyes twinkle and hear that amazing laugh. I want and I want, but it doesn’t seem to change things.
In the higher perspective, I have the conscious awareness that it was Dad’s “time” to go. He was ready to let go of his physical form and no longer be in pain. Cancer is a terrible illness and involves so much on an energetic level I couldn’t even explain it in words. If I could perhaps set off a nuclear bomb that’s radiation infects everything within it’s path for miles and miles of existence, it might begin to scratch the surface of what this horrid disease does to a person. I am forever grateful that my dear Father no longer feels this pain or struggle within himself.
It’s been a long year without him. Milestones and tragedies have occurred in the family. We lost my father in law, George, six months after Dad passed, to cancer as well. Dad’s spirit was there at the hospital as I assisted George in his transition, guiding me and supporting me every step of the way. When I had to be strong for my husband and our family, Dad was there lending his hand and his strength to me once more. So often I am drawn to pick up the phone and call him to share something that’s happened with my kids or ask for one of his pearls of wisdom, and then I realize that I can’t do that anymore. But now he knows without me even saying the words. I find myself singing the songs we liked to sing or watching the westerns we would watch together. Recently when I went to the theater to see a new western, I could feel Dad right there next to me, talking to me about how much the Lone Ranger had changed since he used to see it.
There is much that saddens me, but in so many ways I am forever thankful for the new connection that Dad and I share. I truly feel he is the one person in the whole wide world that ever really understood me and never judged me. To say this man loved me unconditionally would be an understatement. He didn’t always understand what I did, or agree with my belief systems, but he accepted me.
I hadn’t realized until just recently how much guilt I was holding onto in regards to how Dad passed. Me, being so enlightened and all (right!) just assumed I aligned with that higher understanding of each soul choosing their exit point and transitioning when it was there chosen time. Someone should have explained that to my unconscious and conscious mind, because in the depths of those realms laid a heavy weight of false belief thinking I could have done something different to prevent his passing and the accident that ultimately caused his death. That little girl inside me that he’d protected and safeguarded my whole life was questioning how on earth I could not do the same for my beloved father. Why had I failed him? How could I fail him?
Just writing those words takes the air out of my lungs.
My father was the first to step forward upon this realization and ask to assist in helping me clear that energy. He reassured me that it was nothing I did or did not do. He wasn’t living a life he wanted to live anymore and he was through with hospitals, chemo treatments and being poked and prodded. He couldn’t be the man he wanted to be and so he chose to move into a different vibration that allowed him the freedom to watch over his family. This was his solution, he said, this was his soul-ution. As he spoke to me a clarity came over my mind and my body. I felt a peace I hadn’t felt in some time move through me.
So where is the gift in all this? Of course it is that my father is no longer in pain and as the eternal soul that he is, he is still present in my life. But is there more that I am to learn from this? Was there something else? I posed these questions to my Dad this morning as I enjoyed the few moments of quiet time I had. When I looked back at the last few years in my life and the losses I’ve experienced on a personal level – two very close friends and the two fathers in my life – as well as the many transitions I’ve assisted with, I felt like there was more I was supposed to understand.
So many people turn to you to bring through messages from their loved ones who have passed because they are in such a deep state of grief, my father said. What if you could teach them to move through that grief by connecting with their loved ones from the other side? The healing can go hand in hand, just as it has worked for you. Think of the times I’ve asked you to give me your pain so that I could assist you. Think of the energy, prayer and emotional techniques you’ve used over the last year and what has helped you. What if you could teach others this very same thing? Moving through the emotions, connecting to their loved ones and having Angelic assistance to boot! Sounds like a great plan to me!
Yep, Dad. It sounds like a great plan to me too. Looks like there is another gift here to be found. I think I’ve got a lot of writing to do and a big project in the works now. Good thing I’ve got help with this one!
Does times heal all wounds? I think the void that is created when we lose a loved one through death is a deep wound. But as with all wounds, the healing begins when we find the right remedy. Perhaps the best soul-ution for that is filling the void with the love we feel for those that have passed and making the conscious choice to connect with them.
I love you, Daddy. Thanks for helping me to keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.
Pay Attention to the Signs
Depending on your belief system of life and death, you may or may not believe that souls communicate from the other side of the veil once they’ve passed on. If you doubt the fact of after death communication, I would invite you to keep an open mind and pay attention to the signs. Heck, don’t just pay attention to them – ASK FOR THEM.
I am reminded of a time in 1993 when I’d been married for two years and my husband and I were trying to conceive our first child. After one year of trying, I was getting pretty hopeless and down, doubting my physical issues and thinking that I was the cause of our seemingly infertile state. I joined a prayer group at church, and we began to pray for one another’s goals. As I repeated my prayers and affirmations, I asked my grandmother, who had crossed over, to help give me a sign that I was pregnant. About six weeks went by, and as I was counting a deposit at work, I found my sign. I had asked for a twenty dollar bill with my birth year on it (1969) to come into my life. Anyone who deals with money knows that most bills in circulation are quite new and older bills are pretty rare. I bought the $20 out of the deposit and stopped at my doctor’s office on the way home from work. You guessed it – I was pregnant!
Much of the time, those signs show up for us when we’re not expecting them. They are a little reminder from our loved ones that they are okay and that they are thinking of us. I’ve been experiencing those instances quite frequently since the recent deaths of my father and father in law.
My husband and I were out to lunch last week when a Santana song began to play over the sound system at the restaurant. Not out of the ordinary for a Mexican restaurant, but then the following song that played was the one that came on our IPod in the hospital right after George, my father in law, passed. We took note of it and then a short time later, the song that plays in the background of the online memorial I created for George began to play. I looked at Tim, my husband, and told him that I thought his father was trying to tell him something. The ever doubting skeptic looked at me, smiled and laughed it off.
He then received a phone call from the minister that was performing the memorial service to go over details. As they planned and spoke together with my mother in law, I could feel George’s presence very strong. Tim was tasked with finding music for the ceremony. As we returned to our meal, the song, “Somewhere in Heaven” began to play. This is the song that plays during the memorial video we made for the service. It is a very obscure song, beautiful in fact, but never a hit and I’ve never heard it played in public anywhere. Tim gasped in amazement and said, “You’ve got to be freaking kidding me!”
Coincidence? Is there even such a thing? Is it coincidence then that after that song as we discussed music to play at the service other songs began to flood through the sound system we’ve never heard before that were spot on perfect for his father – a flamenco guitar rendition of Stairway to Heaven followed by a Latin version of Dust in the Wind. And even more so, was it coincidence that the restaurant sold this CD? We’ve been dining there for seven years, since it opened, and we’ve never seen music for sale. The waiter told us about the artist and when we checked the CD label it was recorded in La Mesa, CA, a few miles away from where George lived much of his life.
Other signs appeared. George’s ashes arrived a few hours before the service while both his sisters were at the house. We were not expecting them to be delivered till the following week, but in true form, George was never late for a party! The technical system went crazy at the service – mics came on and shut off, music was played while other songs were supposed to play. The video was delayed. But it was all divinely orchestrated and perfect in it’s own right – just like George.
I remember standing at the pulpit, waiting for the background music to begin to play so I could sing the song, “My Way.” The song did not start right away, but it was nice to have a few moments to catch my breath. As I did, I could feel George right next to me. The first few verses went fine, and then I began to shake. I had to hold onto the podium because I thought my legs might give way. I could fully feel his energy all around me, whirling around like the tornado he always has been. He chose that song to convey to everyone what his life meant to him. I began to cry through the second half of the song, but finished strong as his energy moved through me. I’ve never experienced anything like that before, but as you read the lyrics to the song, I think you’ll understand what George wanted everyone to understand:
And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and ev’ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way
Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall and did it my way
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
“Oh, no, oh, no, not me, I did it my way”
For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!