I Am Dying – A Powerful Understanding of Terminal Cancer

A title caught my attention as I was looking for something to watch on tv – “I Am Dying,” was the title of a one hour time slot documentary on NatGeo. Not the typical comedy or history driven program I am usually geared towards, but I was drawn nonetheless.

The feature is all about Renee, a young woman who is diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s about her life, her passions, her accomplishments, her struggles and eventually her death. It’s about not only Renee’s experiences, but also those of her family, her friends and her caregivers.

This is a powerful journey I highly recommend you witness on your own. Cancer in our society is portrayed in many ways and by numerous definitions. There is the big pharma and western medicine view, the Hollywood movie drama, the karmic or religious standpoint, and yet unless you’ve lived through it, whether it be your own health crisis or that of someone you love, no portrayal ever really touches on all aspects of cancer. Not until this movie.

NatGeo, Joaquin Phoenix, Casey Affleck and the film’s directors have put together a compassionate reality of what Renee experienced. This powerful film shows the life changing choices we have to make, both as stewards of our own health care, and as caregivers of our loved ones.

It’s REAL. It’s GRIPPING. It’s the closest thing I’ve seen placed on film that fully describes what day to day life is like for someone in Renee’s particular situation. You will see her daily treatments, the process she goes through as her mind and body begin to shut down, and most definitely you will witness the loving care and kindness that surround her.

I’ve had the role of caregiver for loved ones in this situation and it’s not easy. I’ve watched people I love more than anything slowly wither away because of a horrid disease called cancer.

Many people shy away from dealing with those that are sick or who have been given a diagnosis such as cancer. They go into fear, they don’t understand, and it’s easier to not deal with it than to face it. I get that. It’s not simple or comfortable to see someone dealing with chemo or side affects from a sickness. It’s not pleasant. But a small effort can make a huge difference in that person’s life.

I recommend this film to all who’ve been affected by cancer, to all who wonder what REALLY goes on in the life of a terminal cancer patient, and to all who want to make a difference.

Positive change can start with YOU. Knowledge is power. If you witness someone else’s journey then you will have greater understanding. And then the next time you see someone you know who is suffering from this disease, you can see them with compassion – you can smile at them with light, and not pity. You can look them in the eye with honor and respect, no longer afraid of their diagnosis, and with understanding within your heart.

God bless Renee Heidtman and her loving family and friends for their willingness to share this courageous journey with rest of the world. Renee will be remembered for her light, strength and beautiful spirit, not a diagnosis on a medical chart.

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The Duality of the Path of a Healer ~


The Duality of the Path of a Healer

There are many views of the role of, “Healer.”  Some take this as being a farce in itself, while others revere the role and place said healer upon a pedestal.   I suppose what is most important is how a healer defines their own role upon the planet and within society.

I took on this role many moons ago when I was a small child and began to sense energy and spirits.  I did this on a conscious and subconscious level, though I did not publicly come forward as claiming myself as a healer till much later in life when I began working through massage school.  Massage school opened a whole new understanding for me of what I’d been experiencing my whole life as I stepped into the remembrance of energy work, Reiki and Native American Medicine.

To be called a Healer, to me, is to of service to Spirit.  It is to bring forward information and light that the person you are assisting most likely will not be able to perceive on their own.  Free will is ALWAYS respected and bottom line is, a person is ready to let go of the pain or they are not.  I would never, ever step forward and claim that I could heal anyone.  My intention is very far from that.  I work and teach and empower those I work with to heal themselves, for this is the first level where healing begins, isn’t it?  I like to use the analogy of having a broken arm.  If I break my arm and go to a doctor to have it set and casted it should heal, right?  Most likely it will, IF YOU BELIEVE IT TO BE SO.  If you are ready to heal it will happen.  If you need to hold onto the experience for further learning, then it will not heal.

I sit back and watch the judgment of those who are called healers – Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, just to name some of the more famous ones that have come up recently within the last few years.  I watch as people criticize them for experiencing disease within their physical selves.  How could one who claims to be a healer need healing themselves?  How, if a teacher and healer is doing “their work” could they become ill?  And here is where the duality of the role of healer comes through.

Healers are human.  I repeat: Healers are human!!  They have and walk a human experience just like everyone else on the planet does.  They have families, bills, stresses, do laundry and take care of a million other tasks, just like other people.  It is a fine balance to maintain balance as human/healer.  You must allow yourself the feelings and experiences that this planet offers – the hurt, the joy, the stress, the limitations, the abundance, etc for with each emotion and mastery, you learn – just like everyone else.  However, a healer, because of their life of service, will place the knowledge gained from the lesson in their tool kit and take out the wisdom to share when need be, to assist another human being headed along the same path.

Many healers are transparent.  They share their highs and lows openly with the world.  Their vulnerability becomes their strength.  I see this so clearly in people like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer.  And lets be honest.  If you wanted to cure yourself from a disease like cancer, who’s input would you want on the subject?  Someone who has dealt with it?  OR someone who has read about possible cures?

I can’t tell you the anger that set in with me when my dear friend and brother, Michael Bradley, contracted cancer.  I received so many emails from people across the world asking me how someone so powerful and so of the light could allow such a thing to happen to him.  I became defensive and wanted to lash out at anyone who would judge someone, especially my dear brother, so harshly.  But as I sat with the emails, and I allowed my heart to open, I could see that these people were only acting on the knowledge they had, they were only expressing their own experience.  It gave me a wonderful opportunity to turn my anger into unconditional love, as my dear brother so lovingly has taught me, as I expressed to them the duality of being a healer and human being.  The pain and struggle Michael experienced, because he was open about it, promoted healing on great levels to so many of us.  In my heart, as I reflect on his process, I see he was not only clearing his own “stuff” but he was also clearing pain for so many others who never had a voice to do so.  He cleared for those who came back from a war they never believed in.  He cleared for those who were told they were nothing and believed it.  He brought fellow healers together and created connection that spanned an entire planet…literally.

How on Earth could this experience be viewed as a weakness?  Not in my book, I’ll tell you!

Being a “healer” is a rewarding life – you see the light bulb turn on when people understand.  It is not because you caused it.  It is because you took the time to allow Spirit to move through you and speak – whether that is through your voice, your written words, the energy you channel through your hands, or the love you send through your heart.  In that essence, we are all healers, aren’t we?

Healing thoughts and blessings to you all,




Easing the Pain ~ Channeled Message

Easing the Pain

It is never easy to watch a loved one suffer or witness their pain.  Try as we might to fix the problems, it simply is not that easy.  Oh, how I wish that it were.

My father was recently diagnosed with cancer and this has hit all of my family very hard.  It has been difficult to digest this information and to see him in pain.  My father is the strongest man I know.  He is always the first to lend a helping hand and an honest opinion  (whether you want it or not! LOL).  He has always been my hero and I have seen him bounce back from heart attacks and strokes over the course of my life.  I know he is strong enough to pull through this as well.  I just wish that I had that magic wand to speed up that process.

I’ve helped many friends and clients through similar situations.  With them, it has been second nature to be objective and define the boundaries between emotional connection and the role of healer for me.  With my Dad, I find these boundaries blurred at best, and all I want for him is to be peaceful and well.

I had the luxury of spending time with him this past week and was so reminded of all the reasons I love him so much.  His stories of his life growing up on the farm in Iowa with his brothers and sisters always captivate me.  I sat by his side and listened as he recounted on one adventure to the next and then to the hard times when his father lost everything in the depression.  His physical body may be weak right now, but his mind and memory remain strong.  On the plane ride home I thought of how grateful I was to visit and started planning my next trip to see him.

Once home, the deep sadness I had not allowed myself to feel sunk in.  While sitting in my office, I openly asked aloud what am I to do?  What is the best way to help?  How can I make this better?  My fingers began flying across my keyboard as a message came through.  Many times when I channel, it is spontaneous like this.  I share this message with you now, hoping that it gives comfort to others in similar situations.  It offered me a higher perspective that has guided me to be in a better place.


Dear One,

Oh, how your heart aches!  You watch as those you love are in pain and you know not what to do to change this.  It is not your duty nor is it your mission to solve this.  You can only do what is humanly possible to keep their level of comfort tolerable.  You can only do what as a soul is possible by sending them love and light every moment of the day; every time they pass through your thoughts.

To stress over the situation is but a waste of energy.  We know that you know this, but it is time for a reminder.  It is time to remember that your time and your energy is better spent in other areas of life.  Worrying over what may or may not happen does not prevent the occurrence.  In fact, to focus upon such negativity only draws such things closer to you.

Work hard at being in the moment.  When bad news comes, allow yourself to digest the information.  Think also at this time of things you are still grateful for.  When a loved one is given a diagnosis that is not favorable, this does not mean it is the end.  This is an orchestrated process that the soul chooses to experience.  As hard as that may seem to be true, it really is.  And on a soul level, you understand this.

You have choices!  You always have choices!  It is up to you how you act and react.  It is up to you if you wish for petty issues to clog your mind and distract you from the issue at hand.  It is up to you to decide to stay in bed all day and manifest the sadness within the physical.  There is no judgment here.  You must feel what you choose to feel.  This is your process, just as it is your loved one’s process to go through the health challenge.

People come together during these times or they choose to detach and go off on their separate ways.  It is much easier to face these situations with a group than it is with just an individual.  A group can focus their energies and their will on positive actions, and this is much stronger than trying to do this alone.  Think of what is most important, right now, within this moment.  Is it the falling out with a family member years ago, or is it focusing on the wishes and comfort of those who are ill?

Think long and hard about your choices, your decisions and your actions.  If you were to look back in time on this moment ten years from now, would you be happy with what you are doing?  If you answer yes to this question, please continue down this path.  If there is any hesitancy in answering yes, then perhaps it is time to rethink your actions.

Life presents you with these experiences so that you may take the time to truly inventory what is most important.  This moment may pass, but the impact you make within that moment will last forever.


May all your moments today be filled with joy,