cannot forgive

~ Forgiveness ~


Concept – The concept of forgiveness is not difficult.  Forgiveness is to let go and release all ill will, past hurts, and negative feelings toward those who you feel have wronged you.  Quite an easy concept; Not necessarily so easy to implement though!

When do We Forgive? – How do we get to that place in our lives where we are ready to forgive?  That’s an individual’s choice.  Some people can forgive readily, and others choose to take grievances to their grave.  Perhaps it is best to explain what happens energetically when two people have a negative exchange of energy.

Negative Exchange – Let’s say Johnny wants to play with Sally’s basketball.  Sally doesn’t want to share.  Johnny tries to steal it, and Sally doesn’t let him.  Johnny calls Sally a bad person and tells her that he hates her.

What happens next is the defining factor of the argument.  Does Johnny feel bad for being negative and hurtful?  Does Sally feel remorse for not sharing?  Is she crying because she was called a bad name, and more importantly, does she now OWN IT?  Does she take on that one statement Johnny made and adopt it as a belief about herself?

People can only hurt us if we allow them to hurt us.  This accounts for ALL actions.  And yes, I know this sounds simplistic, and that’s because it is simple.

It’s not always name calling and sharing we’re dealing with either.  Most times it is much more calculated and sinister, and still other times its frivolous and a downright misunderstanding.

If Sally believes what Johnny said – that she was hated and that she was a bad person, this influences now the way she acts.  She absorbs it.  Her thinking turns from one of confidence to one of doubt and possibly even shame.  She begins to pull away from other friends and family because she feels “not good enough” and wonders if she is around other people if she will hurt them as well.

Johnny walks away feeling sad; He didn’t get to play with the basketball.  He didn’t get to play with his friend.  His adrenaline is high because of the altercation and bad vibes he’s put out and he doesn’t quite understand what’s going on in his head.  The more he thinks about the whole situation, the more he blames Sally.

Neither Sally nor Johnny is letting it go.  They’ve just planted seeds, basically, that will grow and fester into other negative beliefs, thoughts and actions.

This example shows the negative exchange between two children, and many times children are able to shake things off and not hold them inside.  They are also the Masters at the words, “I’m sorry.”  Forgiveness comes quite easily to them and they let the negativity flow through them and continue on their merry way.  Have you ever seen two boys on a playground, pushing and shoving each other?  One falls down, the other helps him up and they continue on playing.  We could learn a lot from children.

How to Remove the Negative Energy and Move to a Place of Forgiveness – It all really depends on your philosophy.  There are people who can really just focus their intention on the ideal of forgiveness and let go that way.  I’ve had a client that was having a problem getting pregnant.  All was well on the physical level of things for her and her husband.  There was no medical reason why she could not conceive.

Digging a little deeper during a session with her, I received the information that she’d been sexually abused as a child.  She accepted this and explained that she would work on releasing this energy on her own.  People who’ve had the experience of sexual abuse many times require assistance in this area to heal.  I was thrilled to learn that my client was able to let go of the situation and the person who abused her as well as become pregnant just a few short months later.  I am happy to say she is now a proud Mommy of two very incredible children.

It can be that simple, but it can also involve a bit more investigating.  When we own a false belief, it becomes compounded over the years by various other episodes and experiences proving the validity of said false belief; adding more fuel to the fire.

Many a spiritual teacher of mine have compared my life to the layers of an onion.  You peel back one layer at a time to reveal the next layer.  Our hurts that we carry can often feel that way.  Once we let go of one level, there is yet another level underneath to be explored.

You can spend years on the couch at a therapist’s office digging into your life and what makes you tick.  I’m not knocking this at all.  Therapy is awesome and it has helped me immensely – when done by a caring and gifted therapist.  The objective of therapy is to discover the core issue and move to a resolution of it.

You may also want to seek out alternative modalities to assist in the release process.  Amanae work is a blending of body and breath work that is amazing.  Hypnosis and other regression methods are also beneficial.

Other Methods of Forgiveness

Meditation – setting your intention during a meditation to release and let go of past hurts and people who have harmed you.

Prayer – calling in your higher power, guide, Angel or deceased loved one and ask for their assistance in letting go.

Ho’o’ponopono – A Hawaiian Huna (Shaman) technique that is quite powerful.

Forgiveness Begins Inside – No matter the situation, we must allow ourselves the gift of forgiveness as well, for there is a part of us that is responsible for the experience.  We bought into it, we believed, we allowed.  Self-forgiveness can be difficult at first, but you will find that this is very freeing and will further you along on your Spiritual Path and bring you clearer understanding and focus.

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