FEAR…Merciless Torment or Powerful Tool ? (Spiders not Included)
Fear is, and always has been, a topic of conversation and debate. Many see fear as a potent manipulation device, while others view it as a debilitating state of pure and total terror. Many a warrior and spiritual leader are said to have conquered their fears. Can fear truly be mastered?
Based on the photo above, I would have to say that this woman is NOT a master of fear.
I believe that our fears reveal great lessons to us, if we allow ourselves to see them. I remember as a young child, seeing and hearing ghosts and other spirits and being overwhelmed with fright. I had no idea why they were showing up; I had no one to talk to about it; and I had no way of stopping myself from seeing them. From the time I was about seven years old, I can remember telling people that I was sure I was going to die of a heart attack brought on by panic. I held onto that belief well into my early twenties. I was the one who needed a night-light on all night or had to have the tv on to sleep. That way, when I heard footsteps or people talking I could simply blame it on the television show. Amazing how those beliefs we have when we are children continue on into adulthood. I mean, seriously, if there was a big, bad boogeyman waiting to get me, I bet the night-light or the tv would not slow him down. I’m just saying….
When you are in a state of fear, others feed off of it, just like a pack of hungry wolves will determine who is the weakest of the pack. I was blessed to be the “baby” of my family and grew up with an older sister and brother. They, of course, thought all my ranting about seeing things was just my overactive imagination and decided to play off those emotions to the hilt. Many a morning, I would slide off my bed, put my feet on the floor and suddenly be screaming at the top of my lungs because I would feel hands grabbing around my ankles. Yes, it was one of their favorite things to hide under my bed and grab me to scare the bezzejus out of me. Another prank they liked to pull was taping my eyes shut while I was sleeping. Then there was locking me in the shed, the garage and other spaces in complete darkness. Talk about a waking nightmare! I understand this was all fun and games to them, and that they meant no lasting harm (except maybe when I tattled a bit too much) but the energies of all those things combined made me a nervous Nelly to say the least. I hold no animosity now as I see it as part of my lesson in life.
Depending on your belief, we could argue whether I “created” those scenarios so that I would be pushed to making a decision about the fear, or that because of the energy I gave off that I attracted these energies to me. Maybe, there is even a finely laid plan written in a galaxy far, far, away that I am just playing my part in. The reasoning as to why it all happened doesn’t really concern me. My actions and how I dealt with it are what I find most important.
Studying Native American Shamanism, I discovered many tools for fear; how to combat it; how to overcome it and how to use it as a learning tool to empower. My first instance of using these principles came when something from my past was triggered, stirring up negative energies and a very nasty entity.
I have always had a deep love and longing for Egypt. From the time I could read, I would devour books that weaved the tales of ancient Egyptian life. I was particularly drawn to the magic and mystery of life in the temples as well as the ritual of death (yeah….go figure!). A friend had gone on a cruise to Egypt and brought back some souvenirs she had purchased in the Valley of the Kings, and I had been collecting other lithographs and trinkets that were of the Egyptian culture. One day, I decided it would be a great idea to hang the prints, including one hand painted papyrus decoration, in my bedroom and arrange the other nick knacks around my altar. I loved the way they looked and it made me very happy to see these pieces on display, outside of my closet. As I went to sleep that night, I had a feeling of unrest, deep in the pit of my stomach. I thought for sure I was going to be physically ill, but I managed to breathe my way through it. Later on, I awoke to the sound of the frame of one of the prints shaking on the wall directly across from me. All those fantastic tools I’d learned to deal with something like this literally flew out of my mind and I was in that state of fight or flight I’d so often been in as a child. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t wake up my husband. I couldn’t move. I was paralyzed with fear.
I pulled the covers over my head and began to pray over and over and over again until the sun came up. And again, I am just astounded by the presumed safety I felt of light; as if nothing bad would happen in the day time or with a night-light on. I told myself that it was a dream and I was fine. I had to pull it together for the sake of my family and go about the day as if it never happened. That trick worked until it was time to sleep that night. Around 2am, the frame started to shake again and this time I saw a half man, half animal shape at the side of my bed, yelling at me and gesturing at me to follow him. He spoke in a dialect I did not understand but could sense the meaning of his words, and he was NOT happy with me! That little-girl reaction took hold of me once more, and I rolled into the fetal position away from this spirit and began to pray and cry. This time, it was so bad that my husband woke up and turned the light on. YAY! LIGHT!!! I was safe again. I could not see, hear or sense this presence with the light on.
By the third day of this, my husband was angry with me, I was a nervous wreck and both of us were snappy from lack of sleep. I consulted my teacher to find out what was going on. Through journeying, we discovered that the energy of the Egyptian artifacts had triggered a past life memory and a past life entity that came through when these memories were unconsciously triggered. It presented as a way for me to harness my fear and in turn clear some karma. Away from the house I was able to think clearly and I took all the information in and decided that the best route to take was to face this fear and banish the entity. I already knew that what I had been doing was definitely NOT working, so I figured it was time for a different course of action.
I took every last piece of anything in the house that was from Egypt outside and placed them on my front lawn in a box. I did not want their energy in the house, and I felt it best to not have any reminders of that time frame. I set up a medicine wheel in the center of our home and began saging the entire house. The next step for me was climbing into the center of the wheel and going into trance to banish this entity. I’d never done this before, but there was a quiet calm that washed over me as I set my intention to take back control of my living environment. I called in my shamanic guides, including one of my most trusted power animals. The entity began to taunt me, “You think because you are in that circle you are safe? You think you have power stronger than mine? Remember what happened the last time we met like this.” Now I could understand every word he spoke perfectly. There was no error in communication. As he tried to enter the medicine wheel, my power animal attacked him. It was a violent fight that seemed to last for several minutes, though I am sure it was only moments of time. Candles blew out, a glass votive holder shattered and glass flew into the middle of the circle. But I knew I was safe. I stayed constant in my intention and high in my vibration and fear was not an option.
The entity was disposed of, and I went around the house, opening windows to allow the sage smoke to filter out. This was in the evening time, around 8-9pm and I could hear my next door neighbors talking in their backyard, “Is she smoking pot on a school night? What’s up with the box in the front yard? Do you think there are bones in that thing?” For those of you unfamiliar with the smell of burning sage, it does smell an awful lot like marijuana. I, of course, wanting to dispel any nasty rumors or false beliefs the neighbors might have, went up to my balcony, which overlooked their backyard and began to chant, dancing around and around and shouting, “bring on the clouds and the rain.” What a time to run out of war paint.
Funny. They suddenly went inside their house after that. Hmmmmmm……
I just figure that there is no sense in feeling bad about things and I may as well just laugh at them. Like the chatty guy in the Starbucks drive thru who wants to carry on a conversation with me when I really just don’t want to tell him personal details about my day. Now, I know he’s being polite and trying to make pleasant conversation while patiently waiting for the green-tea lemonade to be made. But after five straight times of the same questions I finally had the one answer that saved me from being asked about my day ever again. He greeted me very friendly as I drove up to the window, “Hi Angel Lady. Where are you off to today? Have any cool plans to do something fun and exciting?” I replied, with a huge smile on my face, “Well, as a matter of fact I do! I am on my way banish some demonic entities and then I will be leading a séance to speak to the dead. What have you got planned? Anyone in the hereafter you’d like me to call on for you?”
After stammering a very quiet and flustered, “No, thank you,” he turned around and came back with my order in record time. And, if I do say so, when he’s on drive-thru duty, I never have to wait very long.
Hey now, if I took all this stuff too seriously and never made fun of things, where would that get me? There are plenty of other areas of my life I have to be serious about. Besides, laughter is the easiest way to heighten your energy AND it’s FREE!
I felt so empowered after clearing my home. It was the first of many hurdles I faced with the huge fear of the unknown that I had. Little by little, the fear became smaller and my confidence and spiritual power grew. I am forever grateful for the many lessons and gifts that I have encountered along the way. The fear no longer rules my life and I have used what I’ve learned to help others.
We all have a choice as to what we do with our fears, whether they are here within the “real” world or within the other realms. To me, when I feel the sense of panic come on about something, I do my best to switch my perspective about it and thereby change the energy of the situation. It doesn’t always work, but then again, I AM only human, right?
Light comes in many different forms, from the night-light in the hallway, to the love of spirit we carry inside. May you always shine your light brightly!
Love & Laughter,
PS – BIG THANKS to all the readers in all the different parts of the world!!!! Thanks for your wonderful energy and comments. Don’t forget to subscribe to the blog by 3/21 to be entered to win a copy of “What You Need to Know to Lead a Spiritual Life”